achilles heel

fragilities
a soft spot, a bruise.
pressure point.
weakness, vulnerability, fatal flaw.

what we hide under wraps and brave faces and embarrassment
the things that catch us off guard
when they are mentioned

like

I know that I am too loud
and try a bit hard
short fused, too sensitive
high flyer, frequent crier, tripping on my own guilt, heart on my sleeve
pretentious, maybe
(actually, pretentious definitely)

and all the love I have to give (and im scared I wont receive)
that frightens me a bit

and

I’m not scared but I have that lilac awareness,
a wariness of
winter (especially january 6th)
where I feel the dark clawing at the windows
and pushing its velvet face into the day and stealing all the light

that scares me
and ill dream of hot decembers instead
(and get scared when im stuck in my dreams and lose touch of reality)

and when I ask someone to repeat something
I fear going deaf
confined to life in a muted reality where I can’t hear the green glade wet grass rustle and voices crack and the cacophony of life will be a spirit to me

it makes me nervous
if i forget to touch both the banisters and
the rocking horses nose in the morning

and it’s not a weak spot (except it’s the biggest one)
but I do wonder about identity and belonging and where my country is
I reach across the ocean, searching to feel for it and
instead find my hands fill only with plane tickets

little frailties
they’re like screws in people, that fall out and make us fall apart
but are quintessentially part of how we are built
and are therefore essential

everyone’s worried
so don’t worry.

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2 Comments

  1. I know that I am too loud
    and try a bit hard
    short fused, too sensitive
    high flyer, frequent crier, tripping on my own guilt, heart on my sleeve
    pretentious, maybe
    (actually, pretentious definitely)

    This is a strong stanza. I particularly like the extra long line, “high flyer, frequent crier, tripping on my guilt, heart on my sleeve.” Lovely rhythm through-out.

    Your poem suggests self-confidence, and weakness, and weakness, and insecurity. That’s why I like it. It has a little bit of everything: and it’s not too soppy either.

    Keep it up.

    Liked by 1 person

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